Quick Trip Report: 7/28/12

One "Blotter" sheet of 225 LSD doses. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Our city had a large festival this weekend, and as such a lot of graduated or former college students came to visit, bringing with them LOTS of drugs. My friends and I were ecstatic-- we managed to buy three ten-strips at a pretty decent price, despite acid being a rarity nowadays.

Once we all dropped it, I became pretty convinced that it was NOT LSD. When I asked on Reddit, I was told that it was most likely an NBROMe, but if you believe differently once I describe it, please tell me in the comments, because I am passionately curious.

Before I really review the substance, I'd like to make a disclaimer: I barely tripped at all. Reddit and I chalk this up to uneven distribution on the strip, but I just had a small body high and a little visual distortion. I will be describing the experiences of others, mainly, based on what they say and what I observed at the time.

We were told by the dealer that it was "time capsule acid," and that they had dug it out from hiding specifically for this year's bicycle day. I was not there when they bought it, and I don't think my comrades knew that that really wasn't a selling point because LSD is such a fragile chemical. But either way, we weren't going to be picky, so we bought 3 strips for about $85 each.

By the time my group of friends and I assembled at our house in the evening, C was already tripping. Her body language had changed, and she was VERY clammy to the touch. She was startled at noises, and kept saying that she was tripping really hard. She wandered off to a friend's house, and the rest of us took our tabs. Beforehand, I should mention, that based on rumors H had heard and my own strange personal experience, we drank a shit ton of mango orange juice. J (male) took about one tab (I had to cut it myself, and was just eyeballing), I took 1.5 or 1.75, and K (also male) took two.

I immediately noticed a strong bitterness. I really couldn't stand the taste, so I swallowed it immediately and washed it down with a few french fries. As soon as this happened, I became suspicious that it wasn't LSD. LSD will normally The rest of them said it was just because the paper was dyed and we usually get plain white paper, but I know how acid tastes and how it feels in your mouth, and that wasn't it. (My immediate swallowing may also have something to do with why I didn't really trip-- thoughts?)

I also noticed some nausea. I have a phobia of vomit, so I just suppressed it and figured that it was just a product of my brain. After about an hour, I began to get kind of a body high-- just a greater sense of body integrity, and an almost play-doh feeling. By this time, J was already tripping. I know him well enough to see it in his facial expression.

About three hours after dosing ourselves, K and I went for a walk to get some Chinese food. (Another difference; I found myself able to eat and sleep on this substance.) On the walk there, I ran into an old RA of mine, and had a totally normal conversation, obviously still pretty sober. K started feeling effects at this time, and pointed out how strange to him the faces painted on the buses looked.

After another 2 hours, I noticed some visuals: shadows started to look like other things, for example, people. My behavior was also a little different: I was less shy and a little bubbly or giddy. About 6 hours after dosing, I was exhausted and went to bed. I thought a little bit about how time is money (definitely psychedelic thoughts, but nothing mind-blowing) and then went to sleep. Later in the night, when J came in and turned the lights on and off, I did have closed-eye visuals. Instead of the usual bubbly or soft LSD patterns, they were twisty and detailed and strange, closer to shrooms but less "organic." When I woke up in the morning, I had an odd "hangover." I felt like total shit. Nobody else reported this.

The next night, N and H decided to trip and I stayed up with them. It was H's first trip, and I think they took one tab each. They had already heard my theories about the substance not being LSD, and eventually agreed. N experienced some extreme nausea, and his trip kicked in within 15 minutes. He also experienced some odd temperature fluctuations like I observed with C. We just stayed up all night talking and looking at weird bugs on the internet. In the morning, he agreed that it was certainly not LSD.

If you have any experience with research chemicals, please let me know!

LSD vs Psilocybin

What's the difference between the two?This question is often discussed in psychonaut circles, and everyone seems to have a different answer. It's most often asked by newbies who have only tried one or the other and are curious about the other substance. I'll give you my assessment of the differences, but I'd love to hear from other psychonauts about their experiences.

Disclaimer: Dedicated readers will already know that I have only done shrooms twice, and therefore I'm not as much of an expert on that substance as others are. Please fill out my knowledge with your comments. :)

• On LSD, I experienced a heightening of my existing synesthesia (crossing of the senses). Those that don't already have the condition often develop it while on acid. On psilocybin, I did not experience any particular synesthesia, but my sense of taste became really decadent. Eating organic honey while on shrooms made it one of my favorite foods.
• While we're on the topic of taste, LSD totally obliterates my appetite, rendering me unable to eat, whereas psilocybin does not affect my interest in food.
• LSD causes depersonalization. My first trip illustrates this: on my comedown, I remembered I was a human with a past and a personality and it felt very strange integrating these ideas with the "no-one-ness" I had been experiencing for the last few hours. Psilocybin, on the other hand, causes what I like to call "repersonalization," meaning you become convinced of being someone other than yourself. I became an aztec goddess for eight hours, and felt very powerful and sexual. Someone else I know found himself to be a gorilla and stripped off his clothes and ran around town, eventually getting arrested (true story).
• On LSD, my closed-eye visuals mainly consist of blobby but colorful patterns, like a more extreme version of what you get every time you close your eyes. On psilocybin, my eyelids became a jungle of weird (but by no means scary) little centipedes with hundreds of eyes and hundreds of legs.
• LSD trips are longer than psilocybin trips by a couple of hours.
• LSD trips peter off into a sort of "hangover" where I'm very sensitive to motion in the corners of my eyes and I feel a little off-kilter for a day. The effects of shrooms ended promptly after eight-or-so hours, leaving me feeling clean and refreshed.
• LSD tends to create a variety of emotions in me throughout a single trip, including discomfort and anxiety. Psilocybin tends to be an unfailingly positive experience, making me giggly and energetic.
• Psilocybin mushrooms can cause vomiting, but LSD really cannot on its own. This is the sole reason that I have more experience with LSD, because I have a phobia of vomit.

A user on a forum summed it up as "LSD is electric, mushrooms are organic." What do you guys think?

The Practical Guide to Being a Practical Guide

The psychedelic culture has a long tradition of instating some sort of guardian watch over the proceedings. Everyone from ancient shamans to Timothy Leary has expounded the importance of a psychedelic guide to help you reach your spiritual goals.

But let's be real: most people who are tripping nowadays do not do so for deeply spiritual purposes. Yet, new psychonauts and those who are taking larger doses than they are used to will often ask a more experienced tripper to be their guide, or their "sitter" while they are in this strange and often emotionally fragile state. Whether this is necessary is a question for the ages, and in my opinion depends on the situation, but it's a favor often asked of more experienced psychonauts.

Someone who asks you to play this role for them probably already trusts you as a close friend, and also trusts your experience with psychedelics and your ability to take care of them if they need you to. However, if you haven't ever been someone's sitter, the responsibility may have you on edge. What are your duties and responsibilities as a modern, practical psychedelic guide?

Don't try to control their trip. You are not a choreographer, you are just a safety net. Remain in the background as best you can, and only give help or guidance or favors when asked (whether verbally or non-verbally). If your charge is having a great time staring at the fish but you remember being in awe of the carpet on your first trip, don't pull them away to go lay on the floor. Let them go with their own flow.

Take a low-to-average dose so you can be in the same headspace without being overwhelmed. Recently, I tripped with a group of people that included a friend who had "hippie-flipped" (taking LSD and ecstasy together) but never done LSD on its own. Knowing that I was knowledgeable and experienced, she asked me if I could make sure she stayed in a positive mental space. I was confident in my ability to do so, but by the time she was crying because the clock was moving backwards, I was way too stoned to even properly identify her emotion. Luckily the Boyfriend stepped in and calmed her down, but both she and I were lucky to have him around. In a situation where you are the sole caretaker, make sure that you're not incapacitated by your chemicals. However, I do recommend that you be tripping to some degree-- the sense of disjointedness in your mental spaces can make your charge feel misunderstood, too-closely observed, or just generally uncomfortable.

Take requests. If something is making someone uncomfortable, do something about it. Something totally normal while sober (music, colors, light, sounds, TV shows) can cause some real anxiety or fear or discomfort while tripping. On the other hand, if they ask for some specific stimulation (their favorite band, a TV show, etc), it may be the perfect thing to blow their minds. It's your responsibility to help them have the best trip you can, so if it's within your abilities, try to grant them their whims.

Observe general safety. Make sure they don't do anything ridiculously stupid. Even if they really want brownies, don't let them use the oven. Be careful about trampolines. And if they insist on driving somewhere, tackle them and tie them to a chair, because that is a very stupid idea. Like in tip #1, you aren't your mother, but they are trusting you to give them a little push if they need it. Don't let them do dumb things. Very simple. If you can't do this for some reason, skip to the last tip.

Most anxiety surrounding psychedelics is related to the fear of bad trips, which do happen occasionally. Even when it's not a full-blown freak-out, most people do experience unpleasant feelings while playing with their consciousness, and this is the point where it is important for the sitter to step in. First step if things start going badly: ask if they want a hug. Most people, especially while tripping, will appreciate a physical gesture of affection, but others may become VERY uncomfortable with physical touch in this sensitive mind-state, whether it's due to some sort of past trauma or just drug-related paranoia. If they say yes, hug and cuddle away. If possible, and with permission, a cuddle puddle with multiple people might be mind-blowingly awesome. :)

If necessary, ask questions. But not too many. If your charge becomes visibly uncomfortable, or expresses anxiety or confusion, ask them in an understanding way what is bothering them and then do what you can for them based on their answer. However, you have to be careful not to pester them or make them paranoid: I find that answering too many questions (whether I'm tripping or at the doctor's) tends to make me nervous that something is really very deeply wrong. If they are too far-gone to answer (it's happened before) but still look uncomfortable, try distinctly non-sexual but reassuring touches, and experiment with changing the surroundings to see if something there is distressing them. Beyond that, improvise and do what you can.

Stay calm. This should be obvious, but tripping people especially will piggy-back your emotion. Even if there's a pretty good reason to be nervous, don't freak out or your charge will freak out even worse. It probably isn't even as bad as you think it is. Most of the worst trips clear themselves up eventually once sobriety starts to set in. And it might not even be a "bad trip:" everyone (including the positive-minded and experienced) hit little bumps. It's part of the journey. If you're experienced enough to be a sitter, you already know this.

In an absolute emergency, do what needs to be done. Cases like these are really rare but not unheard of. Remember, LSD isn't illegal once it's inside you, so if your friend breaks a leg or is uncontrollably running around the neighborhood naked or gets mugged, call the relevant authorities and tell them all the details. Especially if you need an ambulance: the EMTs need to know what is in your friend's body so they can do the best job they can for him or her. If there are no illegal substances or items on you, you have nothing to fear.

I hope this guide hasn't made you too nervous to do your duty as a sitter, while also presenting you with some worst-case scenarios to avoid. If you have any specific questions, you can ask in the comments or e-mail me at furthurxfuture@gmail.com.

Disturbing YouTube Trend

Frankly, there are a lot of stupid people. And very few of them are inherently stupid-- most people just don't think before they act, and they don't realize how far-reaching the consequences of their actions can be.

Something that I've found extremely irritating recently is those particular idiots who video tape themselves acting like fools while on Salvia and post it on Youtube. Apparently it's quite a trend.

This is a horrible way to keep Salvia legal for everyone who would use it responsibly. The uninitiated would find it very tough to tell what is a side effect of the drug, and what is pre-existing stupidity. Many hysterical parents and sensationalist journalists have cited these videos as reasons that Salvia is the scourge of teenagers and should therefore be illegal.

Our culture does not know how to use psychedelics correctly. In societies where use is common, it has become ritualized, and there are methods of dealing with the experiences. I'm not saying that anyone who wants to trip should find a guide or join the League for Spiritual Discovery. But I am saying that when people trip for "kicks," they will get more than they bargained for.

Politically, I consider myself pretty far to the left. I was raised by a devout union man and self-described commie (although that tag isn't quite accurate), and I can't help but love when the government helps people and makes sure that greedy corporations don't exploit us humans. Taxes are cool with me. But what I hate is when the government gets into peoples' personal lives to supposedly protect them. Some forms of protection are not actually protecting anybody-- like the campaign against marijuana. And other things, like helmet laws and heroin use, should be common sense. If somebody wants to risk splitting their head like a melon in a motorcycle accident, or facing a lifetime of addiction, it's their own problem. So is eating too much junk food. Well-meaning sensationalists and their quest to protect everyone from everything is completely inappropriate and steps on the rights of every single citizen. I'd rather we just be treated like adults.

If you are inebriated (on any substance) and happen to think it would be a really great idea to tape yourself and post it to Youtube, think again. There are so many videos of people freaking out or acting like idiots, and none of people laying peacefully in the grass or calmly explaining their new revelations to their friends. Don't be part of this problem please.

I have done a good deed.

This weekend the Boyfriend and I each shared with the other person something we both love: he showed me the joys of kissing girls, and I showed him how great LSD can be.

Boyfriend is someone who all parents would delight in seeing their daughter with. He's studying a medical profession (but not to be an MD) and his hero is his grandmother. He's also a pothead and has some wildly unconventional religious beliefs. And he reminds everyone who meets him of Jack Black. :) He told me before the trip that he's not in it for any crazy "revelations" or soul-searching, because he's creative enough to do it on his own. He came away very satisfied with the new sensations that he experienced, and the lovely body high he felt. I maintain that only the most uncreative would "need" acid to think outside the box, but that it will catapult you in some directions you never saw coming. But I'm really glad that he tried something so important to me, despite initial trepidations. After the trip, he said he could see himself doing it "every other week." I'm so proud!

We spent the day with four of his good friends, who had all done acid in some form. We did low doses and spent the day relaxing in the air conditioning and playing Super Smash Bros. Interestingly, though it was the same batch that resulted in our crazy experience the other day, and similar doses, the experience was not nearly as intense. This provides some evidence for the mango theory, even though I'm lacking corroboration.

The high point of the trip was laying with him on the couch feeling like melted butter, while our friend experimented on the piano. He is apparently extremely talented, and was seamlessly stringing together the riffs of popular songs while we listened in amazement. I witnessed the grin on Boyfriend's face at the moment when he realized how tangible music could be. Our friend eventually got up and left nonchalantly, and when we applauded he acted surprised. :)

On the comedown, we bought pizza and walked to the nearby lake to eat it. In the bay, there were two pirate ships. I swear. I have no idea why they were there, but someone was sailing full-size replica pirate ships. I thought my friend was kidding when he pointed them out. Some serious sanity questioning occurred, let me tell you. Actually...

Whenever I trip, I count on some sort of revelation. Seldom am I in an environment that fosters it, but this time I think I had one that definitely counts, even though I was almost sober at the time. After I got home and sat around alone for a while, I got to thinking and I realized something pretty life-changing. I don't have a label for it quite yet, but I am definitely transgender in some way. Meaning, I am profoundly uncomfortable with being treated as a woman despite my female body. I've been thinking this for a while, but I hadn't realized the magnitude. This weekend was my first real sexual experience with a female, which also helped solidify some of this for me.

I'm a freak. Between being a drug enthusiast and queer in so many ways, it's easy to find people who share some of my interests but very few that support and understand all my endeavors. I am so glad to have found someone who helps me be myself as completely as Boyfriend does, whether he's accompanying me on a drug deal or kissing girls that are straddling me or letting me wear his boxers. I'm glad that we can grow together like this, in directions that most people never even look into. Sharing LSD experiences with lovers is always special. Besides the obvious upside of body exploration and potential sex, you have someone with you who you can be completely yourself around. In that respect, I'm really blessed.

The Windows of the Skull

Part of the reason that LSD is so amazing and rewarding is because it removes the doors of perception and thought so you are better able to explore your piece of the universe in a creative and unorthodox way. This can mean feeling comfortable enough to play with your environment, or create bold new art, or think about God, or even just sit back and watch the movie blossoming around you. All these are great reasons to do acid, but sometimes I am whisked away by my fascination for the molecule itself. We know the basics of how it works-- the molecule, because of its shape, replaces serotonin in your nervous system, and therefore alters your modes of thought. But why does it make the radical changes it does? What about lysergic acid diethylamide turns clouds into fractals? What about it helps you get closer to the spiritual? It baffles me that a molecule exists that is so harmless to the body but so powerful to the mind. This, when it comes down to it, is what fascinates me about acid. It's an important tool both for the individual and for the study of the normally-functioning brain.

Yesterday I had the most intense drug experience of my life. My friend Barrett had his parents' house to himself for a few days, so he invited over me, M, and B to trip. I was really excited because Barrett is my favorite trip partner-- he and I are on the same wavelength in many areas, and we're both very curious and driven to learn about the drugs that we do. M is a chill sort of guy who had done acid once before, but usually preferred Ecstasy, whereas B is a lovely and joyous girl who had never tried anything stronger than pot. They were both acquaintances from high school, but were more friends of Barrett's than of mine. I actually had to be talked into this trip, because of my terrible comedown from the last one, the horrific nightmares I've been having, and because of the depression that has been seeping back into my life. I had spent the night before drowning my problems in tequila (which I've never done before) and contemplating another round of self-mutilation-- Boyfriend is a saint and managed to talk me out of it, but I knew it wasn't the best set to begin a trip with. Barrett promised that he'd keep that in mind and make sure to help me through it if I had any problems, so I reluctantly agreed. I love tripping with Barrett and it happens much to seldom for my liking, so I'm really glad I took the opportunity.

B had heard a rumor that some molecule in mangoes will make a trip stronger, so she brought over a tub of chopped mango in addition to some amazing vegan carrot cake. I was skeptical, after hearing rave reviews about the effects of orange juice and never experiencing anything noticeable, but I love mango and hadn't had time for a good breakfast so I ate quite a bit to avoid being hungry later. We made a meal of it, and then went upstairs to take our doses. Barrett had trouble figuring out where to divide the tabs, because they weren't perforated and only had dots in the center of each tab to judge their boundaries. He did his best, and we all placed the purple paper under our tongues.

Either Barrett can't use scissors, or the mangoes worked wonders. Afterwards, me and Barrett estimated that even though we took about a hit and a half, that the trip had been more in the four-hits realm. I'm so thankful that his house was deserted, because we wouldn't have been able to keep it together around "Outsiders." We agreed that it was the strongest trip that we'd ever want to have, but it was altogether a pleasant and eye-opening experience.

We went for a hike in the woods near Barrett's house. The woods are beautiful and worth the trip, but the quarter mile of busy suburban neighborhood we had to traverse makes me super nervous. They are truly little boxes on the hillside but my uncle's family lives along the way, and I dread getting stopped by one of my cousins while tripping. But the acid hadn't hit us yet, beyond a great body high that was almost immediate, so we made it to the woods without a hitch. The forest there is lovely, because it's so winding & secluded that you forget you're at most forty feet away from a sprawling housing development. Barrett and I agree that the time we tripped and played Bridge to Terabithia in there was a ridiculously great time, so we were excited about showing it to M and B.

The path took us through dense trees and fallen logs and patches of Forget-Me-Nots and cornfields. B had a great time naming all of the flowers, which I appreciated and admired because nature knowledge is something I really don't possess. I told B that she was missing her true calling as a wood nymph. The four of us rested for a while on a footbridge across a bubbling stream. The bridge spanned a little waterfall, and through the clear water you could see a reddish algae coating the worn rock. Some sort of industrial building was only yards away, but people were nowhere to be seen and we felt perfectly comfortable and alone. We ended up traversing back to "Terabithia," which is a clearing near a different part of the stream. Surrounded by a mini-moat is an island with a tree and a tire swing. On the other side is a small flat piece of grass and then a field of various kinds of flowers and grasses. It was a little muddy, but to us it was beautiful. We laid down a blanket and stayed there for our peak.

Visually, it was the most real and "present" trip I've ever had. Often, in lower-dose trips visuals will just be an augmentation to the changes in thinking, but this time the fractals and kaleidoscope patterns formed by the clouds and the leaves totally took over my vision and mindset. Unfortunately, the bugs also multiplied. Laying in the grass, I ended up with a spider on my face, which made me very paranoid and uncomfortable for quite a few minutes afterwards.

The amazing visuals made me and M perfectly content to lay on the blanket in a pile, sometimes in long stretches of silence and sometimes comparing and sharing what we saw. I had a very very strong urge to take off my shirt due to the inescapable heat, but I knew rationally that it wasn't a good idea so I kept my urge in check. B alternated between being even more of a forest sprite than she is in day-to-day life, and being an Alice in Wonderland who was a different size in depending on what she looked at. Barrett jumped over the creek onto the tire-swing island and couldn't find the courage to get back. Barrett is inordinately sensitive to psychedelics, sometimes not returning to normalcy for weeks after a trip, and as I realized he was in a mental space very far away I began to get a little worried. He was talking distantly about how he could see the future, and kept asking bizarre questions in response to our conversation, like, "What does it feel like to be alive? Am I alive? What is a house? Are you the human they call Minna? How does time work?" I was in a conundrum because I wasn't sure whether I should let him explore or try to pull him back. I asked him a few times but he gave noncommittal answers. I decided not to push it for fear of making him or someone else nervous, but it was freaking me out a little. I'd tripped with him before and I knew it wasn't his normal behavior, and as the purveyor of the substance and the location we all looked towards him as a guide. I was next in command, being at least as experienced, but I didn't want to have to handle a crisis. M was calm the whole time and could be counted on to remain so, but I doubt he would have been able to help. In the end, I decided that making a big deal of it would do more harm than good-- Barrett's weird trip was his own to grapple with. Later, the three others agreed that at some point during this period, we shared a consciousness-- I remembered the discussion, but I didn't feel it, which is disappointing.

Around rush hour we got the energy to make our way back to Barrett's house. After emerging somewhat from his weird cocoon, Barrett began to feel like a Messiah guiding us back to the promised land. We chose 5:30 to come back to civilization, not realizing that we would encounter a family admiring a new bicycle, a jogger, some pedestrians, and a few SUV's. A dog very near my uncle's house began barking as we passed, so I hurried us along and made sure to keep my eyes averted from that direction. Honestly, I am better at "keeping my shit" while tripping than while high, but this was way out of my league. I was on the far side of the strongest peak of my life, with three other people in varying states of sanity. B was babbling excitedly like a child, and Barrett kept making sketchy-looking glances back at the rest of us who were following him in a very awkward line. M and I were making pretty normal conversation, but I was always very aware of how odd the four of us must look, as mismatched and muddy and quiet as we were.

The air-conditioning in Barrett's house felt so soothing and refreshing to me that the super-awkward journey had been worth it. We situated ourselves back in Barrett's upstairs bedroom, but not before B ran around downstairs 100% convinced that she was a sprite. Barrett was still not even close to reality, so my indecision about trying to pull him back resurfaced. I offered him a place in our puppy pile, which he seemed to react warmly to, but B got distracted with the myriad weird objects in his room and therefore my plan fell through. I started thinking of new things to suggest, but when I brought up glow sticks he began muttering about how he needed a sink to extract the fluid, so I stopped that train of thought in its tracks. I don't think that he realized that he was talking out loud, because he looked really confused like I read his mind. I decided we were going to put on an episode of Adventure Time. It was sketchy for a few minutes because of the dark plotline (B stopped being sprightly and became really engrossed), but it resolved well and put everyone in a better mood. Barrett came back from the future for the most part, so I considered it a success.

We went downstairs and had a few hours of play time. We experimented with furniture, and with music, and with food. B loved the feeling of the carrot cake and the frosted flakes in her mouth (even though it made her afraid her teeth were falling out) so I challenged them to find me a food that I'd like while tripping-- it didn't last long because we got distracted enumerating the different kinds of smooth. I became very frustrated that orgasms could only result from genital stimulation-- I wanted to cum from my wonderment at all the sights I was seeing, and I almost did. We invented a unit to measure fun. I dubbed B the Cosmic Housekeeper after she straightened the entire house and told M to quit moving what she had straightened. We were deities who created an ocean out of a blue handkerchief and a plastic octopus, and then subjected the poor creature to horrible storms. Barrett blasted his favorite Icelandic music. We found a very soft stuffed Llama, who we named the Cosmic Llama. I mentioned that I had been miscounting the number of people in our group the entire trip, and that the CL was obviously the unseen fifth member. This was a bad thing to voice, as it freaked out B quite a bit when it seemed to be staring at her. We spent quite a few minutes playing with perspective on the stairs-- Barret and B laid down at the bottom with their feet on the steps, while me and M sat at the top, creating an Escher-like effect that made B feel like she was floating. That was definitely one of the coolest visual & spatial things I've ever experienced.

My cell phone reception was bad in Barrett's house (I took it as an allegory) so I got a bit nervous about making arrangements to be picked up-- I don't drive, and I hadn't made specific plans with my dad in advance. Luckily, B noticed his headlights in the driveway, earlier than I had expected.This was about ten hours after we took our doses, but I was still far from sober, and my dad hates to be kept waiting when he picks me up. I was afraid he'd be angry, but he blamed our cell phones for the lack of communication and was in a good mood, so I listened to his conversation and then retreated straight into my room when we got home. I'm sure he noticed that I was acting strangely; my mother asked me what was wrong and I wasn't sure how to reply. I've been around my parents before while under the influence, but the degree of this trip was so unlike anything else that it was entirely impossible to act normal. My father knows about all the drugs that I do, and doesn't really mind as long as I'm careful-- he's done them too, plus other ones that I'm not interested in. However, I still feel like the boundaries between parent and child require that I hide it enough that he doesn't have to confront it.

The comedown was much better than last time. For one thing, I had had a fun-filled day with some great people, and now I was ready to relax. After cleaning for a bit (ineffectually) I sat down with my thick book filled with the collected poems of Allen Ginsberg. I've decided that this my favorite activity for a comedown-- it's inspiring and productive, but not always easy. He writes a lot about war and insanity and his glaring faults and vulnerabilities, but also about drugs and the beauty of life and the seemingly banal details of his existence. I have not encountered an artist of any kind that I've felt so connected with. One of the biggest obstacles in my comedowns is the persisting thought that I never really do anything with my life, so reading some Ginsberg is the best way to counteract the perception that I'm rotting my time away, and to inspire me to write great poems myself.

I slept relatively well, and food is palatable again-- I think I'm back to normal. I didn't come away with any of the earth-shattering insights I always expect from acid trips, but I had a great time playing like a child and pushing the limits of my perception of reality. I'm glad to have a friend who knows just how to do these things right-- I've never experienced nature or the company of others like I did during that trip. I can't help but fixate on the question of whether the strength of the trip was from a misjudged dosage or from the mangos, but I'm glad to have had the chance to explore new territory and conquer it.

Caught Up in the Let-down

The comedown is always so sad. It's like, for a few hours something makes sense. Maybe not life, the universe, and everything, but something: why people do what they do, your own neuroticism, the body... and then as you sober up, things go from crystal clear to the opaque solidity of reality. You still have all the same facts present, you remember what you said, but that perfect diagram you had of human interaction as a switchboard where everyone's motives are as clear as the golden paths on a microchip, that's gone. When you're on acid, it seems so silly that you spend so much of your sober time loving trippy things so much, but when you're sober you remember that it's in the hopes of recapturing some little part of that. But you can't, really. So you drop some acid again, a few weeks or months later, expecting to get closer to that mystery, and maybe you do. And then the process starts all over again.

In another way, my comedown was good. My first trip, as I sobered up I realized that I had lost my entire sense of identity-- it was like my body knew all along who I was, and my mind had to slowly remember. It resulted in a lot of weird questioning over the next few days ("Why do I care about this person? Why do I like to do that?" etc) but overall it was a positive experience because it forced me to question the basics of my identity. I guess that sensation has been a staple of my trips since then, but I never really noticed it until I picked up my journal last night to record a few fleeting sensations, and then started rereading the past few weeks (like I often do). I happened to open up to a page where I was writing about one of the happiest experiences of my life. And everything that I read after that seemed to take on that same hue of brightness and hope. I was reading my journal like somebody else would, and I was amused at all the things I wrote. That was a pleasant introduction back into my daily life, which made the rest of it a little easier.

I commented to my close friend, who I was tripping with, that this was my eleventh trip. I only knew that because it occurred to me that my first experience with DMT was my tenth (to use trip in a broad sense). He said that he had heard various reports (from various people who don't trip) that it's impossible to reach ten without having a bad trip, or that after ten you're legally insane (I heard it was seven). Obviously, they're full of shit. I don't feel any more insane than I did yesterday (or a few months ago). Obviously, LSD has had some long term effects (a greater appreciation for color, my decision to just wholeheartedly not give a shit, some great friends I've made, and some of those revelations I talked about in the first paragraph) but honestly, I don't think that I would be doing LSD if I wasn't that kind of person anyway.

Despite the unfortunate comedown. LSD is definitely my favorite drug (shrooms may still be in the running, but require more experimentation). The pricing system is easy, it's easy to conceal, it doesn't require paraphernalia, it doesn't show up in drug tests, it's cheap, and unlike anything else you can buy for 10 bucks,  it can change your life. For some reason, I just feel more comfortable dealing with people and life while I'm on acid than when I'm high, which I'm sure is the opposite of most peoples' experience. Like, going to the bathroom is so much more daunting when you're high. Am I odd? Most likely. ;)

A Question For My Female Readers

I'm not a huge fan of tripping while on my period. I don't like getting any kind of fucked up actually (besides hemp, which helps deal with the cramps) because it makes dealing with he practicalities of having your period so much more daunting. And gross.

But recently-ish (as in, since the last time I tripped on my period, which was like a year ago at least) I found out that LSD causes uterine contractions. Which is kind of cool-- it's synthesized from Ergot, which used to be used to perform abortions. But on the other hand, the last thing I need while I'm tripping is more cramps (sometimes I can barely walk it hurts so bad) or a heavier flow (ick!)

I mean, I'm probably going to do it anyway. I'm not one to pass up a trip, especially with my oldest friend who I've never tripped with. But I was just wondering-- do you find that LSD use affects your period? Don't be shy about the details. :P

Hallucinogen Persisting Perception Disorder

Hallucinogen Persisting Perception Disorder is when visual characteristics of a trip last for much longer than the trip itself, until after the chemical has been removed from your system. Contrary to flashbacks, it's always present and relatively permanent. It is most commonly related to LSD use, but that may just be because acid is the most commonly used hallucinogen. Those that are genetically predisposed to HPPD can begin experiencing it very early on in their drug use, but in others it sets in much later in the game, and therefore seems to be unrelated to the frequency or number of trips one takes.

Common sights of HPPD sufferers include halos or auras around objects, changes in dimension and color, a difficulty in distinguishing between colors, trouble reading because of "misbehaving letters," geometric patterns where there are none, flashes of color, movement in peripheral vision, or TV-like "static" on monochrome surfaces. The symptoms can be made worse by fatigue, drug use, a sudden change in the visual environment (like walking into a brightly-lit room from the dark), or simply paying too much attention to it.

Many people have never heard of HPPD, or if they must seek treatment they are too embarrassed to admit to having used hallucinogens, and therefore the statistics on its prevalence are probably incorrect. This is another good reason that hallucinogen use should be legal or at least socially acceptable: research could be done, and people with disorders of this sort could get the treatment they need. Luckily, many people don't need to get treatment, because HPPD often fades over time of its own accord.

Now, don't be like me and assume that your brain is broken just because the rainbows around lights at night seem suddenly really noticeable. HPPD is only diagnosed when the disturbances are so severe that the patient cannot ignore it. Like other psychiatric syndromes, a requirement for diagnosis is that it impairs normal functioning. To be fair, I had no idea that light halos were a common occurrence until I asked my boyfriend, who verified that he saw them too. :)

HPPD raises some interesting questions about how drugs affect us. One common theory is that hallucinogens permanently affect the nervous system, creating less sensory gating (like Huxley described in The Doors of Perception). This leads us to be more open to receiving sensory signals that have always been there, but are usually filtered out. There was also an interesting study that I read about that showed that those who use hallucinogens have a lowered ability to distinguish between colors, and to distinguish between a very fast strobe and a continually-shining light. I found this to be the opposite of what I've experienced: my drug use has made me appreciate color so much more, and when I'm high I can even see the strobing in cheap fluorescent lights, which is super annoying. Anyone else have a different story?

I was also kind of surprised that HPPD only includes the visual aspect of hallucinogens. It seems to me that other aspects of a trip could last too, but I guess people with that are just called "crazy." :)

Sources:
Wikipedia

Erowid

Yesterday's Trip

My school has a holiday known colloquially as "Questmas." It's a day meant for the ambitious to present the results of their work over the last semester, and the rest of us are supposed to go watch. Fat chance. Most people spend it getting drunk. Since it was my first real day off in a long time, I had decided to spend this rainy day catching up on schoolwork-- but the tasty paper in my mini-fridge was too tempting.

Unfortunately, it was a really lame trip. As promised by the friend I got it from, the two tabs I took kicked in really quickly: 10-15 minutes after it hit my tongue. Instead of feeling pleasantly light-headed like usual, I felt dizzy and nauseous. I have emetophobia, so that started it off on a really bad note. I was going to hang out with a friend, but once I curled up in my boyfriend's bed, I didn't feel like going anywhere in the rain. During my last trip, I spent the comedown laying in bed and watching awesome things happen behind my eyelids, but this time it didn't work nearly as well. I did fall asleep and see a really vivid ninja battle, which was cool. I also watched Borat on the comedown, and was a little confused about how much of it was fake.

I didn't come away from my ninth trip with any insights or really any good stories, so I feel a little disappointed & disillusioned. On the bright side, I did feel energized afterwards, and realized that working halfway means that I only get to relax halfway. That was helpful when I started writing a paper.

Bonus: when my boyfriend came home from work, his first words were, "You made me high!" Apparently kissing him very soon after ingesting the acid made it wear off on him too. He described his experience (which was short & mild, but noticeable nonetheless) more eloquently than I could, so I believe him that it wasn't just psychosomatic. He described it as feeling lightheaded for about an hour, like when you stand up too fast, but still having energy to function normally. He also spent much longer than he should have appreciating the colors of his iced tea can, and studying how changing the distance from his eye changed the perspective. He's not entirely supportive of my drug choices, but we both got a good laugh out of this one, and he realized that LSD isn't as extreme or intimidating as he thought it would be. At this rate, he will be a dirty hippie in no time!

Flashbacks?

Flashbacks were something that I didn't believe in until a close & trustworthy friend told me about his. He was sitting in Denny's late at night as is his habit, reading and drinking coffee with whiskey from his flask mixed in, when the walls started to undulate. He sat back and let it pass. For him, it wasn't a negative experience, but a transitory curiosity.

Flashbacks are a re-occurrence of the effects of a hallucinogen, usually short and mild. They usually occur within a few days after a trip, and seem to be triggered by alcohol, marijuana, stress, caffeine, fatigue, or a history of mental illness. (Though as far as I recall my friend had not tripped recently when his flashback occurred, but it may have been related to the whiskey.) Most users (70%) never experience one, and for all the fuss that is made about it in anti-drug literature, flashbacks only have a 20-30% chance of occurring (Wikipedia).

Though science hasn't yet presented us with a definitive explanation for this phenomenon, it has been proven that they are not caused by residual chemicals trapped in the spinal cord. LSD dissolves in water very easily, and therefore gets washed out of your system within 24 hours (Shulgin). Edward M. Brecher has a theory, which makes sense to me, that flashbacks occur with any extremely emotional event (whether positive or negative) and so it is of no surprise that LSD use would result in them as well (XS4All).

It's possible that the key to flashbacks will also provide insight into the mystery of HPPD, or Hallucinogen Persisting Perception Disorder. I'll write a more in-depth post on that later, but for now, it's a syndrome that is defined by certain symptoms of a trip lasting a very, very long time (or permanently).

Many people find the threat of flashbacks a reason to avoid LSD, because of the unpredictability of the experience. However, in my opinion, if you're having a flashback you'll understand what's going on and be able to ride it out. If you were okay while tripping (which is likely) you'll most likely be okay during a flashback. If you have a history of mental illness, you shouldn't be doing acid in the first place.

It seems that although flashbacks do occur, they are a purely psychological experience, and don't pose any threat. Therefore, anti-drug literature that treats LSD as an insidious specter that will haunt you for the rest of your life is entirely incorrect. However, he may show up every once in a while to say "hi."

How To Avoid Bad Trips

(This is the second half of my reposting of an article that I wrote for everything2.com. The first half is here.)

Everyone has heard about bad trips, but the chance that you will have a horrific bad trip that will end up in your hospitalization, insanity, or death is ridiculously tiny. The chance that you will have tough, uncomfortable feelings while on acid is probable, but also pretty easy to deal with if you know what you're doing.

• Have an experienced tripper there with you. Voice any concerns you have to him or her and let them steer your thoughts in a positive direction. They probably have  been where you are and know how to avoid digging yourself into a hole. Bonus points if this experienced tripper is a lover or platonic friend that you feel comfortable cuddling with because really, cuddles solve all problems ever. If you don't have a hippie on hand and you start to feel like things are getting out of control, call a friend to chat. You don't even have to tell them you're on acid: just say you are home alone and got kind of freaked out and wanted someone to talk to. They will distract you and cheer you up for sure.
• Think positively. Don't even start to ponder the death of your dog, your ex-girlfriend, or how much time you waste on the internet. If you find yourself going down this path, find something else to think about, and fast. Get away from whatever is making you uncomfortable. Transport yourself to quiet, idyllic beaches in your head. Use any other relaxation methods you can think of. On acid, you will probably get distracted easily, so if you start sweating and jumping at tiny noises, pop in a favorite Disney movie and space out to your heart's content. The first time I tripped, I had a bad experience in which I felt very paranoid, confused, hopeless, and saw some very strange things. My boyfriend recognized this, and put on some South Park and soon I was laughing uproariously and feeling ecstatic.
• Take precautions. Surround yourself with cuddly stuffed animals, happy music, and your favorite people. Don't watch scary movies, or sad ones. I have a friend who writes positive little notes to himself like, "Have fun!" and "Isn't life beautiful?" and sometimes ties a string around his finger to remind himself that it will be over by tomorrow. Make comfort foods and surround yourself with comfort smells. Anything you can think of to inspire happy feelings in yourself cannot go to waste.
• It is the drug. You are not going insane. Most likely, anything abnormal you see or feel is not real and will soon pass. The drug will wear out soon. You are safe. Repeat mantras like this to yourself if things start getting to be too much for you to handle.
• Don't take more than you can handle (approximately 3 hits) on your first trip. Altered states of consciousness take getting used to, and having your mind blown all at once would probably be uncomfortable. Unlike college chugging contests, no one will think you are a pansy if you play it safe.
• If something bad really does happen, in real life, do not hesitate to seek help. If you can't get the potato chip bag open, ask your roommate to do it and he or she will probably understand. If something embarrassing happens, it's not the end of the world. On a more serious note, if you or someone else gets injured, do not worry about getting arrested or chastised. Other things are more important. Take the proper actions. If it's necessary to call the ambulance, call them. They will ask about medication, and you need to tell them the truth. It is illegal to have acid in your possession, not to have it inside your body already, and someone providing emergency help needs to know this things, for obvious reasons. Make sure to stay calm and be helpful.

I don't mean to make you paranoid, because if LSD was really unpleasant it wouldn't be so popular. I know that this is something that a lot of people worry about, though, so I wanted to find a way to quell some concerns.

#1 Rule: Feel confident about your LSD use and your choice of companions, setting, and activities, and you will not have any problems.

Tripping For the First Time

(This is essentially a reposting of something I wrote for everything2.com. The second half of the article, on bad trips, deserves a separate post.)

There is a conspicuous absence of practical advice about acid. And for the newbie (and we've all been there) popping your acid cherry can be a nerve-wracking experience. If you have never tripped before, and would like to, here are some guidelines regarding your first trip. Hopefully I answer your pressing questions-- if you have a concern I didn't address, mention it in a comment and I will do my best to address it in a future post.

• Don't even think about doing acid until you have played with your mind in other ways. Marijuana is a good place to start. If you can't hand the reins over to a chemical, you will not have fun. If you are afraid of your own mind, you will not have fun. Feel prepared and things will be fine.
• Generally, acid comes in tabs, which are small square pieces of paper. As a newbie, you should take one or two, depending on your body size, how sensitive you are to other drugs, and how confident you feel. Generally, if you are paying more than $10-15 for one tab (also known as a hit), you are getting ripped off. Don't worry about adulterants, since it's cheaper for a crooked dealer to sell you blank paper than it is for him to fiddle with insidious chemicals. Also, you couldn't overdose if you tried. When you get ahold of your tabs, you stick it in your mouth and swish it around (it will taste like plain old paper) and store it under your tongue for 20-30 minutes. Then you swallow to make sure you get every drop of psychedelic goodness. It soaks into your mucous membranes, and should take effect within 45 minutes of first contact, and last for 12-18 hours so clear your schedule.
• Acid is more powerful and awesome and fun and weird than anything else you have encountered. Respect that, and do not treat it like marijuana or alcohol.
• DO NOT DRIVE. Even if you think you can drive fine when buzzed, acid is light years different and you do NOT want to take this chance.
• Do not put yourself in any position where you have to deal with authority figures or strangers. This includes parents, bosses, other people's parents, cops, customers, door-to-door salesmen, and large dogs.
• Ideally, you should have an experienced tripper act as your spotter. He or she can trip along with you, which makes it significantly more fun for both people. If that's not possible, have someone you trust chill out with you and make sure you don't do anything harmful, illegal, or that will ruin your social life for years to come. If for some reason this isn't possible either, arrange to have the house to yourself for a day or two and lock up any harmful objects, just in case. You probably won't freak out, but without someone there to check your behavior, things can get out of hand easier and it is best not to take chances.
• Pick a good place. Any unfamiliar place that makes you feel uncomfortable is a bad place, like work, school, theatrical premieres, the White House. Try not to deal with strangers. Good places: your own home (if you feel totally at ease there and irritating people are far far away), a friend's house, concerts (sometimes; maybe not best for a first trip), or a nice quiet spot in the woods (best).
• What are you going to want to do while on acid? Well, probably experience your new and heightened senses. Pick out some good music (recommendations: Radiohead, MGMT, the Beatles) or movies (for example, Fantasia 2000 or Yellow Submarine) or artwork (like fractals). Explore the woods, look at the colors, play games. Anything you want, really; these are, of course, just recommendations.
• No one can tell you're on acid. Unless someone knows you very well, knows acid well, and is with you for an extended period of time while you are tripping, they will not know the difference. Things seem weird to you, but they are normal to everyone else. At worst, people will assume you are weird or stoned. Don't do anything sketchy, don't converse any more than it takes to be polite, and escape an uncomfortable situation as soon as possible. Do not comment on anything out of the ordinary that you see, because it might not exist. I have dealt with my own father, my friend's parents, the CVS late-night pharmacist, and petting-zoo patrons all while on acid and no one has ever called me out on it or pursued any legal action. If, on the other hand, I stripped off my clothes and did handstands in the middle of the highway, people might suspect. But if you're operating generally within social limits, people won't give you a second thought.
• Don't expect anything in particular, because acid has better plans for you than you can think up. Don't fight it, see what happens, and you will most likely be amazed. Have fun!