Quick Trip Report: 7/28/12

One "Blotter" sheet of 225 LSD doses. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Our city had a large festival this weekend, and as such a lot of graduated or former college students came to visit, bringing with them LOTS of drugs. My friends and I were ecstatic-- we managed to buy three ten-strips at a pretty decent price, despite acid being a rarity nowadays.

Once we all dropped it, I became pretty convinced that it was NOT LSD. When I asked on Reddit, I was told that it was most likely an NBROMe, but if you believe differently once I describe it, please tell me in the comments, because I am passionately curious.

Before I really review the substance, I'd like to make a disclaimer: I barely tripped at all. Reddit and I chalk this up to uneven distribution on the strip, but I just had a small body high and a little visual distortion. I will be describing the experiences of others, mainly, based on what they say and what I observed at the time.

We were told by the dealer that it was "time capsule acid," and that they had dug it out from hiding specifically for this year's bicycle day. I was not there when they bought it, and I don't think my comrades knew that that really wasn't a selling point because LSD is such a fragile chemical. But either way, we weren't going to be picky, so we bought 3 strips for about $85 each.

By the time my group of friends and I assembled at our house in the evening, C was already tripping. Her body language had changed, and she was VERY clammy to the touch. She was startled at noises, and kept saying that she was tripping really hard. She wandered off to a friend's house, and the rest of us took our tabs. Beforehand, I should mention, that based on rumors H had heard and my own strange personal experience, we drank a shit ton of mango orange juice. J (male) took about one tab (I had to cut it myself, and was just eyeballing), I took 1.5 or 1.75, and K (also male) took two.

I immediately noticed a strong bitterness. I really couldn't stand the taste, so I swallowed it immediately and washed it down with a few french fries. As soon as this happened, I became suspicious that it wasn't LSD. LSD will normally The rest of them said it was just because the paper was dyed and we usually get plain white paper, but I know how acid tastes and how it feels in your mouth, and that wasn't it. (My immediate swallowing may also have something to do with why I didn't really trip-- thoughts?)

I also noticed some nausea. I have a phobia of vomit, so I just suppressed it and figured that it was just a product of my brain. After about an hour, I began to get kind of a body high-- just a greater sense of body integrity, and an almost play-doh feeling. By this time, J was already tripping. I know him well enough to see it in his facial expression.

About three hours after dosing ourselves, K and I went for a walk to get some Chinese food. (Another difference; I found myself able to eat and sleep on this substance.) On the walk there, I ran into an old RA of mine, and had a totally normal conversation, obviously still pretty sober. K started feeling effects at this time, and pointed out how strange to him the faces painted on the buses looked.

After another 2 hours, I noticed some visuals: shadows started to look like other things, for example, people. My behavior was also a little different: I was less shy and a little bubbly or giddy. About 6 hours after dosing, I was exhausted and went to bed. I thought a little bit about how time is money (definitely psychedelic thoughts, but nothing mind-blowing) and then went to sleep. Later in the night, when J came in and turned the lights on and off, I did have closed-eye visuals. Instead of the usual bubbly or soft LSD patterns, they were twisty and detailed and strange, closer to shrooms but less "organic." When I woke up in the morning, I had an odd "hangover." I felt like total shit. Nobody else reported this.

The next night, N and H decided to trip and I stayed up with them. It was H's first trip, and I think they took one tab each. They had already heard my theories about the substance not being LSD, and eventually agreed. N experienced some extreme nausea, and his trip kicked in within 15 minutes. He also experienced some odd temperature fluctuations like I observed with C. We just stayed up all night talking and looking at weird bugs on the internet. In the morning, he agreed that it was certainly not LSD.

If you have any experience with research chemicals, please let me know!

The 4 Types of Hallucinogens

The chemicals in your body are like cars: to be used, they must be "parked" into the correct "garages," called receptors. Each chemical has its own shape, and a receptor which is equal and opposite. When you take a hallucinogen or other mind-altering drug, it has a shape that is similar enough to another chemical to bind to its receptors, blocking the usual chemical from attaching to anything at all. By replacing your normal neurochemicals, these drugs affect your psyche. Hallucinogens can be divided up into four categories; each different type binds to a different receptor.

Serotonin-like hallucinogens have a shape similar to serotonin. Serotonin is a neurochemical that keeps your mood, appetite, and sleep healthy and stable. Not having enough of it can contribute to depression and its familiar symptoms like insomnia and a lack of appetite. This category of hallucinogens includes some of the most popular drugs of choice, like LSD, psilocybin, and DMT, and also ergot, LSA, and bufotenin. If these hallucinogens are mixed with SSRIs (selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors), a potentially deadly state called Serotonin Syndrome can occur from having too much serotonin in the body.

Norepinephrine-like hallucinogens include mescaline (the active ingredient in peyote), MDMA (commonly known as ecstasy), nutmeg, and DOM/STP. Epinephrine (known to most people as adrenaline) is what is activated during a "fight-or-flight" response, and norepinephrine serves to return the body to its un-agitated state, restoring normal body processes like thirst, hunger, and digestion. It is for this reason that dehydration is a danger when using ecstasy, because you just won't feel thirsty.

Acetylcholine-like hallucinogens are much less commonly used recreationally, because their effects are generally extremely unpleasant. Acetylcholine is a neurtransmitter that helps your muscles take action, among other things. These hallucinogens cause an overdose of norepinephrine and adrenaline, leading to panic, high blood pressure, and stroke. This group, which includes atropine and scopolamine from nightshades and mandrakes, can be deadly in high doses, but have been used historically to treat problems like diarrhea. I wrote about these hallucinogens in my post Hallucinogens of Europe.

Glutamate-like hallucinogens (like PCP and ketamine) were originally put to use as anesthetics. Since they render glutamate, an amino acid used for learning, unable to function normally, they can cause blackouts and memory loss.

Having an increased understanding of how each psychedelic works in your body can help you better choose which ones are right for you. We should all have the right to choose, but please choose wisely.

FOR MORE INFORMATION:

Compact Research: Hallucinogens, by Crystal McCage

The Myth of Bad Acid

A reddit user asked me the other day if I had had any experiences with bad acid, and how to make sure you were buying good acid.

I think most people would define bad acid as some form of LSD that is guaranteed to cause you a bad trip. This is something that a lot of people are anxious about, because no one wants to doom themselves to a horrible experience like that. But if it's defined like that, then "bad acid" does not exist. Pure LSD is only one chemical, and no forms of it are "spoiled" or wrong.

Bad trips are caused by only a few things:

• bad mindset
• bad setting and environment
• a dose that is higher than one is comfortable with
• unexpected difficulties, whether external or internal
• NOT "bad acid"

However, just because you are getting "acid" doesn't mean you're getting pure LSD, and this is where the problems occur. Most of the time, your biggest worry is going to be whether or not someone is going to sell you blank paper. This really sucks, but obviously poses no real risk besides disappointment. More rarely, people can and will cut it with other chemicals. (In my opinion, this is more of a danger with liquid LSD because not all chemicals will stick to blotter. If you just bought a pill, it's probably not LSD.) If you are expecting an LSD trip and you're not prepared for what those unknown chemicals do to your psyche, your likelihood of having a bad trip is a lot higher (see bullet point number four). Even if what's in your acid catches you off guard, you can still avoid having a bad trip by staying calm and taking the precaution of not tripping alone. For more information on bad trips, you can take a look at my post How To Avoid a Bad Trip.

So what can you do to help ensure that your acid is legit? I will give you the same advice that I gave the reddit user: always buy from someone you trust. It's cynical, but it's something that must be taken into account for as long as drugs users are forced to engage in the unregulated black market: someone who knows you personally would have to take responsibility for selling you a bad product, and therefore they will usually refrain.

LSD vs Psilocybin

What's the difference between the two?This question is often discussed in psychonaut circles, and everyone seems to have a different answer. It's most often asked by newbies who have only tried one or the other and are curious about the other substance. I'll give you my assessment of the differences, but I'd love to hear from other psychonauts about their experiences.

Disclaimer: Dedicated readers will already know that I have only done shrooms twice, and therefore I'm not as much of an expert on that substance as others are. Please fill out my knowledge with your comments. :)

• On LSD, I experienced a heightening of my existing synesthesia (crossing of the senses). Those that don't already have the condition often develop it while on acid. On psilocybin, I did not experience any particular synesthesia, but my sense of taste became really decadent. Eating organic honey while on shrooms made it one of my favorite foods.
• While we're on the topic of taste, LSD totally obliterates my appetite, rendering me unable to eat, whereas psilocybin does not affect my interest in food.
• LSD causes depersonalization. My first trip illustrates this: on my comedown, I remembered I was a human with a past and a personality and it felt very strange integrating these ideas with the "no-one-ness" I had been experiencing for the last few hours. Psilocybin, on the other hand, causes what I like to call "repersonalization," meaning you become convinced of being someone other than yourself. I became an aztec goddess for eight hours, and felt very powerful and sexual. Someone else I know found himself to be a gorilla and stripped off his clothes and ran around town, eventually getting arrested (true story).
• On LSD, my closed-eye visuals mainly consist of blobby but colorful patterns, like a more extreme version of what you get every time you close your eyes. On psilocybin, my eyelids became a jungle of weird (but by no means scary) little centipedes with hundreds of eyes and hundreds of legs.
• LSD trips are longer than psilocybin trips by a couple of hours.
• LSD trips peter off into a sort of "hangover" where I'm very sensitive to motion in the corners of my eyes and I feel a little off-kilter for a day. The effects of shrooms ended promptly after eight-or-so hours, leaving me feeling clean and refreshed.
• LSD tends to create a variety of emotions in me throughout a single trip, including discomfort and anxiety. Psilocybin tends to be an unfailingly positive experience, making me giggly and energetic.
• Psilocybin mushrooms can cause vomiting, but LSD really cannot on its own. This is the sole reason that I have more experience with LSD, because I have a phobia of vomit.

A user on a forum summed it up as "LSD is electric, mushrooms are organic." What do you guys think?

LSD & Uterine Contractions

This is much more of a public service announcement than I usually do, but I am not the kind of guy who can't admit the flaws in the things that I love. While LSD is largely harmless to the mind and the body, it is synthesized from ergot, a fungus that has been used for centuries to perform abortions. Even the end result, LSD, is still in the same chemical family and has still been proven to cause uterine contractions, which may lead to pregnancy complications. I wouldn't advise using any psychoactive while pregnant, but you should be especially careful about avoiding this one. Menstruating females may also find that it increases their related pain.

The Practical Guide to Being a Practical Guide

The psychedelic culture has a long tradition of instating some sort of guardian watch over the proceedings. Everyone from ancient shamans to Timothy Leary has expounded the importance of a psychedelic guide to help you reach your spiritual goals.

But let's be real: most people who are tripping nowadays do not do so for deeply spiritual purposes. Yet, new psychonauts and those who are taking larger doses than they are used to will often ask a more experienced tripper to be their guide, or their "sitter" while they are in this strange and often emotionally fragile state. Whether this is necessary is a question for the ages, and in my opinion depends on the situation, but it's a favor often asked of more experienced psychonauts.

Someone who asks you to play this role for them probably already trusts you as a close friend, and also trusts your experience with psychedelics and your ability to take care of them if they need you to. However, if you haven't ever been someone's sitter, the responsibility may have you on edge. What are your duties and responsibilities as a modern, practical psychedelic guide?

Don't try to control their trip. You are not a choreographer, you are just a safety net. Remain in the background as best you can, and only give help or guidance or favors when asked (whether verbally or non-verbally). If your charge is having a great time staring at the fish but you remember being in awe of the carpet on your first trip, don't pull them away to go lay on the floor. Let them go with their own flow.

Take a low-to-average dose so you can be in the same headspace without being overwhelmed. Recently, I tripped with a group of people that included a friend who had "hippie-flipped" (taking LSD and ecstasy together) but never done LSD on its own. Knowing that I was knowledgeable and experienced, she asked me if I could make sure she stayed in a positive mental space. I was confident in my ability to do so, but by the time she was crying because the clock was moving backwards, I was way too stoned to even properly identify her emotion. Luckily the Boyfriend stepped in and calmed her down, but both she and I were lucky to have him around. In a situation where you are the sole caretaker, make sure that you're not incapacitated by your chemicals. However, I do recommend that you be tripping to some degree-- the sense of disjointedness in your mental spaces can make your charge feel misunderstood, too-closely observed, or just generally uncomfortable.

Take requests. If something is making someone uncomfortable, do something about it. Something totally normal while sober (music, colors, light, sounds, TV shows) can cause some real anxiety or fear or discomfort while tripping. On the other hand, if they ask for some specific stimulation (their favorite band, a TV show, etc), it may be the perfect thing to blow their minds. It's your responsibility to help them have the best trip you can, so if it's within your abilities, try to grant them their whims.

Observe general safety. Make sure they don't do anything ridiculously stupid. Even if they really want brownies, don't let them use the oven. Be careful about trampolines. And if they insist on driving somewhere, tackle them and tie them to a chair, because that is a very stupid idea. Like in tip #1, you aren't your mother, but they are trusting you to give them a little push if they need it. Don't let them do dumb things. Very simple. If you can't do this for some reason, skip to the last tip.

Most anxiety surrounding psychedelics is related to the fear of bad trips, which do happen occasionally. Even when it's not a full-blown freak-out, most people do experience unpleasant feelings while playing with their consciousness, and this is the point where it is important for the sitter to step in. First step if things start going badly: ask if they want a hug. Most people, especially while tripping, will appreciate a physical gesture of affection, but others may become VERY uncomfortable with physical touch in this sensitive mind-state, whether it's due to some sort of past trauma or just drug-related paranoia. If they say yes, hug and cuddle away. If possible, and with permission, a cuddle puddle with multiple people might be mind-blowingly awesome. :)

If necessary, ask questions. But not too many. If your charge becomes visibly uncomfortable, or expresses anxiety or confusion, ask them in an understanding way what is bothering them and then do what you can for them based on their answer. However, you have to be careful not to pester them or make them paranoid: I find that answering too many questions (whether I'm tripping or at the doctor's) tends to make me nervous that something is really very deeply wrong. If they are too far-gone to answer (it's happened before) but still look uncomfortable, try distinctly non-sexual but reassuring touches, and experiment with changing the surroundings to see if something there is distressing them. Beyond that, improvise and do what you can.

Stay calm. This should be obvious, but tripping people especially will piggy-back your emotion. Even if there's a pretty good reason to be nervous, don't freak out or your charge will freak out even worse. It probably isn't even as bad as you think it is. Most of the worst trips clear themselves up eventually once sobriety starts to set in. And it might not even be a "bad trip:" everyone (including the positive-minded and experienced) hit little bumps. It's part of the journey. If you're experienced enough to be a sitter, you already know this.

In an absolute emergency, do what needs to be done. Cases like these are really rare but not unheard of. Remember, LSD isn't illegal once it's inside you, so if your friend breaks a leg or is uncontrollably running around the neighborhood naked or gets mugged, call the relevant authorities and tell them all the details. Especially if you need an ambulance: the EMTs need to know what is in your friend's body so they can do the best job they can for him or her. If there are no illegal substances or items on you, you have nothing to fear.

I hope this guide hasn't made you too nervous to do your duty as a sitter, while also presenting you with some worst-case scenarios to avoid. If you have any specific questions, you can ask in the comments or e-mail me at furthurxfuture@gmail.com.

What is Micro-tripping?

Totally on drugs.

Microtripping is the practice of taking tiny doses of LSD to enhance normal, day-to-day function. Those who microtrip take about 10 micrograms (about a tenth of a normal dose) every three days or as needed. It has the potential to improve creativity, concentration, sensory experience, mood, and general functioning.

I'm planning on trying it to help with my playwrighting sometime soon, so I'll let you know how it goes. My friend Barrett swears by it for attending concerts, because you have positive mental effects allowing you to better enjoy the music, but does not render you too incapacitated to function in the practical, physical world. Have you ever tried it? What do you think?

It's All Fun & Games: The Value of LSD for Play and Creativity

The quality of LSD that I value most is how it frees you up to engage in creative play like children do. I am a relatively silly and carefree adult-- I'm all about playing in the snow and games of pretend-- but LSD is often the only thing that frees up other people so they can play with me. The removal of inhibitions and the augmentation of the senses that LSD causes really makes child's play easy and rewarding. Playing is often a component of the creation processes for highly intelligent and creative people, and therefore LSD may very well help the rest of us get into that carefree headspace more easily.

I dropped acid the other day (Friday the 13th) and I haven't tripped since this summer (if you're curious, read the post I Have Done a Good Deed). Either I had forgotten how intense the LSD experience is or we had gotten ahold of really strong acid. While I had affirmed to my friend early in the evening, who was about to have her first trip, that I was the expert among my friend group at calming down anxious psychonauts, by the time she actually needed my help (more about that below) I was tripping too hard to even quite register what emotion she was feeling. (Obviously, I regret being unable to attend to her, but once the Boyfriend stepped in and reasoned with her a little bit, the rest of her night was dandy.)

The entire trip was, from my point of view, defined by the ideas of childhood, time, and aging. We spent most of our trip watching TV (which is not my first choice of activities whether I'm tripping or not), and just as our peaks were beginning we found that Nick at Nite was airing a Rugrats marathon. This sent everyone back to their own childhoods. I'm not sure if my perception was correct, but it seemed like the Boyfriend was really riffing on the idea of the neo-childhood we were experiencing and the conversations we've been having lately about growing old together. Almost all his comments during the conversations of the night had something to do with nostalgia, or our parents' generation, or our personal futures. (Even our noob's momentary bad trip was related to time; she began to cry when the clock appeared to be moving backwards.) The entire Rugrats atmosphere got me thinking about play.

It was on the comedown, after the Boyfriend and I had separated from our friends, that I really began experiencing the idea of play. Alone in the basement of his house, while he tucked his gal pal into bed upstairs, I began to imagine, on purpose, that the house was eating me. That I was in the belly of a gigantic, rumbling beast and who knows what was going to happen next. When Boyfriend came back, I reported this to him and he expressed concern. "No," I said. "It was fun. The house is a big warm animal but when it started making rumbling and creaking and gurgling noises I imagined it was about to digest me." He then stripped down into his boxers to go to bed and I commented, "I like those boxers! They make you look like a sailor!" so as we were settling down and talking about the evening, I addressed him like a wizened sailor (to his annoyance). :) After he fell asleep, I began thinking about our animal existence and how removed we are from it-- all the viscera that, as civilized humans, we rarely have to deal with. Usually I get grossed out by anything that's even the slightest bit gory, but in that moment I felt that I could deal with anything that life could come up with. I began attempting to disturb myself, which is generally really easy, but right then I was invincible. Then the idea of violence morphed into the philosophy of sexual violence, and whether the practice of consensual violent sex was, at its base, a negative subconscious aberration or a natural and innate desire. I am curious about the phenomenon of BDSM and other violent and rough sexual practices, so I began to try to disturb myself that way, by imagining the most violent sexual scenarios possible. It didn't work. But it occurred to me that the subconscious is full of really interesting things that seldom get dealt with in art, and from now on a closer understanding of our fucked up subconsciouses will be informing my writing.

Actually, just before my trip I had been reading The Psychedelic Explorer's Guide by James Fadiman, which had an entire chapter about studies done about the effect of LSD on creativity. While some reported that they did not have the attention span to work on a specific project, most were amazed by how readily new problem-solving insights showed up and could be implemented. The key point here is that the scientists' measure of success was its "real life" use-- how it benefited us in our competitive capitalist world.

From this trip, I took away a broader understanding of my mission as a writer and a greater openness to play.

I have done a good deed.

This weekend the Boyfriend and I each shared with the other person something we both love: he showed me the joys of kissing girls, and I showed him how great LSD can be.

Boyfriend is someone who all parents would delight in seeing their daughter with. He's studying a medical profession (but not to be an MD) and his hero is his grandmother. He's also a pothead and has some wildly unconventional religious beliefs. And he reminds everyone who meets him of Jack Black. :) He told me before the trip that he's not in it for any crazy "revelations" or soul-searching, because he's creative enough to do it on his own. He came away very satisfied with the new sensations that he experienced, and the lovely body high he felt. I maintain that only the most uncreative would "need" acid to think outside the box, but that it will catapult you in some directions you never saw coming. But I'm really glad that he tried something so important to me, despite initial trepidations. After the trip, he said he could see himself doing it "every other week." I'm so proud!

We spent the day with four of his good friends, who had all done acid in some form. We did low doses and spent the day relaxing in the air conditioning and playing Super Smash Bros. Interestingly, though it was the same batch that resulted in our crazy experience the other day, and similar doses, the experience was not nearly as intense. This provides some evidence for the mango theory, even though I'm lacking corroboration.

The high point of the trip was laying with him on the couch feeling like melted butter, while our friend experimented on the piano. He is apparently extremely talented, and was seamlessly stringing together the riffs of popular songs while we listened in amazement. I witnessed the grin on Boyfriend's face at the moment when he realized how tangible music could be. Our friend eventually got up and left nonchalantly, and when we applauded he acted surprised. :)

On the comedown, we bought pizza and walked to the nearby lake to eat it. In the bay, there were two pirate ships. I swear. I have no idea why they were there, but someone was sailing full-size replica pirate ships. I thought my friend was kidding when he pointed them out. Some serious sanity questioning occurred, let me tell you. Actually...

Whenever I trip, I count on some sort of revelation. Seldom am I in an environment that fosters it, but this time I think I had one that definitely counts, even though I was almost sober at the time. After I got home and sat around alone for a while, I got to thinking and I realized something pretty life-changing. I don't have a label for it quite yet, but I am definitely transgender in some way. Meaning, I am profoundly uncomfortable with being treated as a woman despite my female body. I've been thinking this for a while, but I hadn't realized the magnitude. This weekend was my first real sexual experience with a female, which also helped solidify some of this for me.

I'm a freak. Between being a drug enthusiast and queer in so many ways, it's easy to find people who share some of my interests but very few that support and understand all my endeavors. I am so glad to have found someone who helps me be myself as completely as Boyfriend does, whether he's accompanying me on a drug deal or kissing girls that are straddling me or letting me wear his boxers. I'm glad that we can grow together like this, in directions that most people never even look into. Sharing LSD experiences with lovers is always special. Besides the obvious upside of body exploration and potential sex, you have someone with you who you can be completely yourself around. In that respect, I'm really blessed.

Time Flies... or Jumps, or Skips, or....

Trouble and confusion regarding the passage of time is a really common characteristic of hallucinogenic experiences. Some people find it pleasant when time slows down or seems to behave strangely, and others will become baffled and anxious. This is sometimes exacerbated by the need to keep track of time for worldly engagements, or by paying too much attention to where you are in relation to your peak. Time perception is a really intricate brain process, involving many different pieces working together, and is by no means regular or infalliable.

There are many things that can affect your time perception even while sober. For example, the efforts of your eyes to maintain a clear picture can affect time perception. The eye actually makes many more jerky motions than we notice, and therefore has processes in place to give us the movie that we're used to. If you move your eyes very quickly to a clock with a second hand, you'll see that that one second seems to last longer than it should. The visual parts of the brain extend that image backwards in time so you perceive a smoother transition between your last focus and this new one.

I am by no means an expert on this matter, but from what I do know of perception and hallucinogens, these drugs affect the way your brain integrates the information that comes to it. I assume that that is why you sometimes see multiples-- your brain loses the ability to mesh the images from each of your eyes together. The kaleidoscope or fractal effect seems to me to be a result of the doubling of the edges of complex or irregular shapes, like clouds. Therefore, it's not a stretch that maybe the parts of your brain involved in time misfire similarly. LSD (I'm not so sure about other hallucinogens) results in sleeplessness and a loss of appetite, which may affect the Circadian Rhythm, which is the body process that tells you when it's time to eat and sleep. And experiencing novel things makes time seem to slow, and with hallucinogens novel is the name of the game.

My first trip was really interesting in this regard, and I didn't take it very well. I was reminded of this by both my friend's trip the other day and because I found my graphical representation of my time perception during that trip while I was cleaning out my drawer. :)

My ex-boyfriend took me out to the nearby park for my first peak. I figured I would feel very comfortable there because we hung out there a lot, but it was an unseasonably nice day so it was very crowded. It began to remind me strongly of a day that I had spent there with him a year earlier, and as that idea began to grow in my mind I became very confused. It seemed that the year had formed a loop, and that it was up to me to figure out the secret of breaking the loop so we didn't endlessly relive that year. Obviously, I had no idea how to go about this. I asked him if we could go back to his house, and he agreed. I sat down on his bed and asked for a piece of paper so I could try to explain my problem in a drawing. "I'm confused," I repeatedly whined. I felt that something important had happened on the journey home (probably just my peak) but I couldn't remember it.

TRANSCRIPTION:

I was trying to explain to you how time kept getting reset every 20 seconds. Minutes feel like hours. I feel like... who knows. I should just let it do its thing. I can't wrap my head around time. Like, the leaves could have been spring or autumn and then it was the day we met, it was a funeral was a wedding everything kept getting reset. What the hell was up with the pinecones? It seems tragic that I could have made that much of a fool of myself. I should stop fighting.

Time just got too much for me to handle. I should let myself float. I shouldn't be this confused.

All I can see are the leaves on the ground-- registers as orange. Orange? Could that be right? What? What day is it? Suddenly this matter o time is of utmost importance

I am glad that I saved this because I find it hilarious. :)

SOURCES

First Science

Wikipedia

The Windows of the Skull

Part of the reason that LSD is so amazing and rewarding is because it removes the doors of perception and thought so you are better able to explore your piece of the universe in a creative and unorthodox way. This can mean feeling comfortable enough to play with your environment, or create bold new art, or think about God, or even just sit back and watch the movie blossoming around you. All these are great reasons to do acid, but sometimes I am whisked away by my fascination for the molecule itself. We know the basics of how it works-- the molecule, because of its shape, replaces serotonin in your nervous system, and therefore alters your modes of thought. But why does it make the radical changes it does? What about lysergic acid diethylamide turns clouds into fractals? What about it helps you get closer to the spiritual? It baffles me that a molecule exists that is so harmless to the body but so powerful to the mind. This, when it comes down to it, is what fascinates me about acid. It's an important tool both for the individual and for the study of the normally-functioning brain.

Yesterday I had the most intense drug experience of my life. My friend Barrett had his parents' house to himself for a few days, so he invited over me, M, and B to trip. I was really excited because Barrett is my favorite trip partner-- he and I are on the same wavelength in many areas, and we're both very curious and driven to learn about the drugs that we do. M is a chill sort of guy who had done acid once before, but usually preferred Ecstasy, whereas B is a lovely and joyous girl who had never tried anything stronger than pot. They were both acquaintances from high school, but were more friends of Barrett's than of mine. I actually had to be talked into this trip, because of my terrible comedown from the last one, the horrific nightmares I've been having, and because of the depression that has been seeping back into my life. I had spent the night before drowning my problems in tequila (which I've never done before) and contemplating another round of self-mutilation-- Boyfriend is a saint and managed to talk me out of it, but I knew it wasn't the best set to begin a trip with. Barrett promised that he'd keep that in mind and make sure to help me through it if I had any problems, so I reluctantly agreed. I love tripping with Barrett and it happens much to seldom for my liking, so I'm really glad I took the opportunity.

B had heard a rumor that some molecule in mangoes will make a trip stronger, so she brought over a tub of chopped mango in addition to some amazing vegan carrot cake. I was skeptical, after hearing rave reviews about the effects of orange juice and never experiencing anything noticeable, but I love mango and hadn't had time for a good breakfast so I ate quite a bit to avoid being hungry later. We made a meal of it, and then went upstairs to take our doses. Barrett had trouble figuring out where to divide the tabs, because they weren't perforated and only had dots in the center of each tab to judge their boundaries. He did his best, and we all placed the purple paper under our tongues.

Either Barrett can't use scissors, or the mangoes worked wonders. Afterwards, me and Barrett estimated that even though we took about a hit and a half, that the trip had been more in the four-hits realm. I'm so thankful that his house was deserted, because we wouldn't have been able to keep it together around "Outsiders." We agreed that it was the strongest trip that we'd ever want to have, but it was altogether a pleasant and eye-opening experience.

We went for a hike in the woods near Barrett's house. The woods are beautiful and worth the trip, but the quarter mile of busy suburban neighborhood we had to traverse makes me super nervous. They are truly little boxes on the hillside but my uncle's family lives along the way, and I dread getting stopped by one of my cousins while tripping. But the acid hadn't hit us yet, beyond a great body high that was almost immediate, so we made it to the woods without a hitch. The forest there is lovely, because it's so winding & secluded that you forget you're at most forty feet away from a sprawling housing development. Barrett and I agree that the time we tripped and played Bridge to Terabithia in there was a ridiculously great time, so we were excited about showing it to M and B.

The path took us through dense trees and fallen logs and patches of Forget-Me-Nots and cornfields. B had a great time naming all of the flowers, which I appreciated and admired because nature knowledge is something I really don't possess. I told B that she was missing her true calling as a wood nymph. The four of us rested for a while on a footbridge across a bubbling stream. The bridge spanned a little waterfall, and through the clear water you could see a reddish algae coating the worn rock. Some sort of industrial building was only yards away, but people were nowhere to be seen and we felt perfectly comfortable and alone. We ended up traversing back to "Terabithia," which is a clearing near a different part of the stream. Surrounded by a mini-moat is an island with a tree and a tire swing. On the other side is a small flat piece of grass and then a field of various kinds of flowers and grasses. It was a little muddy, but to us it was beautiful. We laid down a blanket and stayed there for our peak.

Visually, it was the most real and "present" trip I've ever had. Often, in lower-dose trips visuals will just be an augmentation to the changes in thinking, but this time the fractals and kaleidoscope patterns formed by the clouds and the leaves totally took over my vision and mindset. Unfortunately, the bugs also multiplied. Laying in the grass, I ended up with a spider on my face, which made me very paranoid and uncomfortable for quite a few minutes afterwards.

The amazing visuals made me and M perfectly content to lay on the blanket in a pile, sometimes in long stretches of silence and sometimes comparing and sharing what we saw. I had a very very strong urge to take off my shirt due to the inescapable heat, but I knew rationally that it wasn't a good idea so I kept my urge in check. B alternated between being even more of a forest sprite than she is in day-to-day life, and being an Alice in Wonderland who was a different size in depending on what she looked at. Barrett jumped over the creek onto the tire-swing island and couldn't find the courage to get back. Barrett is inordinately sensitive to psychedelics, sometimes not returning to normalcy for weeks after a trip, and as I realized he was in a mental space very far away I began to get a little worried. He was talking distantly about how he could see the future, and kept asking bizarre questions in response to our conversation, like, "What does it feel like to be alive? Am I alive? What is a house? Are you the human they call Minna? How does time work?" I was in a conundrum because I wasn't sure whether I should let him explore or try to pull him back. I asked him a few times but he gave noncommittal answers. I decided not to push it for fear of making him or someone else nervous, but it was freaking me out a little. I'd tripped with him before and I knew it wasn't his normal behavior, and as the purveyor of the substance and the location we all looked towards him as a guide. I was next in command, being at least as experienced, but I didn't want to have to handle a crisis. M was calm the whole time and could be counted on to remain so, but I doubt he would have been able to help. In the end, I decided that making a big deal of it would do more harm than good-- Barrett's weird trip was his own to grapple with. Later, the three others agreed that at some point during this period, we shared a consciousness-- I remembered the discussion, but I didn't feel it, which is disappointing.

Around rush hour we got the energy to make our way back to Barrett's house. After emerging somewhat from his weird cocoon, Barrett began to feel like a Messiah guiding us back to the promised land. We chose 5:30 to come back to civilization, not realizing that we would encounter a family admiring a new bicycle, a jogger, some pedestrians, and a few SUV's. A dog very near my uncle's house began barking as we passed, so I hurried us along and made sure to keep my eyes averted from that direction. Honestly, I am better at "keeping my shit" while tripping than while high, but this was way out of my league. I was on the far side of the strongest peak of my life, with three other people in varying states of sanity. B was babbling excitedly like a child, and Barrett kept making sketchy-looking glances back at the rest of us who were following him in a very awkward line. M and I were making pretty normal conversation, but I was always very aware of how odd the four of us must look, as mismatched and muddy and quiet as we were.

The air-conditioning in Barrett's house felt so soothing and refreshing to me that the super-awkward journey had been worth it. We situated ourselves back in Barrett's upstairs bedroom, but not before B ran around downstairs 100% convinced that she was a sprite. Barrett was still not even close to reality, so my indecision about trying to pull him back resurfaced. I offered him a place in our puppy pile, which he seemed to react warmly to, but B got distracted with the myriad weird objects in his room and therefore my plan fell through. I started thinking of new things to suggest, but when I brought up glow sticks he began muttering about how he needed a sink to extract the fluid, so I stopped that train of thought in its tracks. I don't think that he realized that he was talking out loud, because he looked really confused like I read his mind. I decided we were going to put on an episode of Adventure Time. It was sketchy for a few minutes because of the dark plotline (B stopped being sprightly and became really engrossed), but it resolved well and put everyone in a better mood. Barrett came back from the future for the most part, so I considered it a success.

We went downstairs and had a few hours of play time. We experimented with furniture, and with music, and with food. B loved the feeling of the carrot cake and the frosted flakes in her mouth (even though it made her afraid her teeth were falling out) so I challenged them to find me a food that I'd like while tripping-- it didn't last long because we got distracted enumerating the different kinds of smooth. I became very frustrated that orgasms could only result from genital stimulation-- I wanted to cum from my wonderment at all the sights I was seeing, and I almost did. We invented a unit to measure fun. I dubbed B the Cosmic Housekeeper after she straightened the entire house and told M to quit moving what she had straightened. We were deities who created an ocean out of a blue handkerchief and a plastic octopus, and then subjected the poor creature to horrible storms. Barrett blasted his favorite Icelandic music. We found a very soft stuffed Llama, who we named the Cosmic Llama. I mentioned that I had been miscounting the number of people in our group the entire trip, and that the CL was obviously the unseen fifth member. This was a bad thing to voice, as it freaked out B quite a bit when it seemed to be staring at her. We spent quite a few minutes playing with perspective on the stairs-- Barret and B laid down at the bottom with their feet on the steps, while me and M sat at the top, creating an Escher-like effect that made B feel like she was floating. That was definitely one of the coolest visual & spatial things I've ever experienced.

My cell phone reception was bad in Barrett's house (I took it as an allegory) so I got a bit nervous about making arrangements to be picked up-- I don't drive, and I hadn't made specific plans with my dad in advance. Luckily, B noticed his headlights in the driveway, earlier than I had expected.This was about ten hours after we took our doses, but I was still far from sober, and my dad hates to be kept waiting when he picks me up. I was afraid he'd be angry, but he blamed our cell phones for the lack of communication and was in a good mood, so I listened to his conversation and then retreated straight into my room when we got home. I'm sure he noticed that I was acting strangely; my mother asked me what was wrong and I wasn't sure how to reply. I've been around my parents before while under the influence, but the degree of this trip was so unlike anything else that it was entirely impossible to act normal. My father knows about all the drugs that I do, and doesn't really mind as long as I'm careful-- he's done them too, plus other ones that I'm not interested in. However, I still feel like the boundaries between parent and child require that I hide it enough that he doesn't have to confront it.

The comedown was much better than last time. For one thing, I had had a fun-filled day with some great people, and now I was ready to relax. After cleaning for a bit (ineffectually) I sat down with my thick book filled with the collected poems of Allen Ginsberg. I've decided that this my favorite activity for a comedown-- it's inspiring and productive, but not always easy. He writes a lot about war and insanity and his glaring faults and vulnerabilities, but also about drugs and the beauty of life and the seemingly banal details of his existence. I have not encountered an artist of any kind that I've felt so connected with. One of the biggest obstacles in my comedowns is the persisting thought that I never really do anything with my life, so reading some Ginsberg is the best way to counteract the perception that I'm rotting my time away, and to inspire me to write great poems myself.

I slept relatively well, and food is palatable again-- I think I'm back to normal. I didn't come away with any of the earth-shattering insights I always expect from acid trips, but I had a great time playing like a child and pushing the limits of my perception of reality. I'm glad to have a friend who knows just how to do these things right-- I've never experienced nature or the company of others like I did during that trip. I can't help but fixate on the question of whether the strength of the trip was from a misjudged dosage or from the mangos, but I'm glad to have had the chance to explore new territory and conquer it.

Microbes & LSD: Disappointing Hype

Scientists are making LSD from microbes? Hardly. I was really excited when I first saw this article, but its title is woefully inflated, although the actual facts are still pretty cool.

There's a guy named Jake Wintermute whose job is to make synthetic biofuels. He was kidding around one day and said that he'd like to make LSD, since it's so expensive. LSA, a related compound, is currently synthesized from the Ergot fungus and then purified and used to make a dementia medicine called nicergoline. Right now he's working on genetically modifying yeast to make this compound (just add water!) but he's only one third of the way there.

This is not a "living LSD factory." He's doing perfectly legal and legitimate things with that yeast. However, it would be great to be able to make LSA that easily, since it's also hallucinogenic: it's what you get from eating morning glory seeds. I'd love to be able to buy that at the supermarket, but unfortunately, that's not what's happening. At all.

Caught Up in the Let-down

The comedown is always so sad. It's like, for a few hours something makes sense. Maybe not life, the universe, and everything, but something: why people do what they do, your own neuroticism, the body... and then as you sober up, things go from crystal clear to the opaque solidity of reality. You still have all the same facts present, you remember what you said, but that perfect diagram you had of human interaction as a switchboard where everyone's motives are as clear as the golden paths on a microchip, that's gone. When you're on acid, it seems so silly that you spend so much of your sober time loving trippy things so much, but when you're sober you remember that it's in the hopes of recapturing some little part of that. But you can't, really. So you drop some acid again, a few weeks or months later, expecting to get closer to that mystery, and maybe you do. And then the process starts all over again.

In another way, my comedown was good. My first trip, as I sobered up I realized that I had lost my entire sense of identity-- it was like my body knew all along who I was, and my mind had to slowly remember. It resulted in a lot of weird questioning over the next few days ("Why do I care about this person? Why do I like to do that?" etc) but overall it was a positive experience because it forced me to question the basics of my identity. I guess that sensation has been a staple of my trips since then, but I never really noticed it until I picked up my journal last night to record a few fleeting sensations, and then started rereading the past few weeks (like I often do). I happened to open up to a page where I was writing about one of the happiest experiences of my life. And everything that I read after that seemed to take on that same hue of brightness and hope. I was reading my journal like somebody else would, and I was amused at all the things I wrote. That was a pleasant introduction back into my daily life, which made the rest of it a little easier.

I commented to my close friend, who I was tripping with, that this was my eleventh trip. I only knew that because it occurred to me that my first experience with DMT was my tenth (to use trip in a broad sense). He said that he had heard various reports (from various people who don't trip) that it's impossible to reach ten without having a bad trip, or that after ten you're legally insane (I heard it was seven). Obviously, they're full of shit. I don't feel any more insane than I did yesterday (or a few months ago). Obviously, LSD has had some long term effects (a greater appreciation for color, my decision to just wholeheartedly not give a shit, some great friends I've made, and some of those revelations I talked about in the first paragraph) but honestly, I don't think that I would be doing LSD if I wasn't that kind of person anyway.

Despite the unfortunate comedown. LSD is definitely my favorite drug (shrooms may still be in the running, but require more experimentation). The pricing system is easy, it's easy to conceal, it doesn't require paraphernalia, it doesn't show up in drug tests, it's cheap, and unlike anything else you can buy for 10 bucks,  it can change your life. For some reason, I just feel more comfortable dealing with people and life while I'm on acid than when I'm high, which I'm sure is the opposite of most peoples' experience. Like, going to the bathroom is so much more daunting when you're high. Am I odd? Most likely. ;)

A Question For My Female Readers

I'm not a huge fan of tripping while on my period. I don't like getting any kind of fucked up actually (besides hemp, which helps deal with the cramps) because it makes dealing with he practicalities of having your period so much more daunting. And gross.

But recently-ish (as in, since the last time I tripped on my period, which was like a year ago at least) I found out that LSD causes uterine contractions. Which is kind of cool-- it's synthesized from Ergot, which used to be used to perform abortions. But on the other hand, the last thing I need while I'm tripping is more cramps (sometimes I can barely walk it hurts so bad) or a heavier flow (ick!)

I mean, I'm probably going to do it anyway. I'm not one to pass up a trip, especially with my oldest friend who I've never tripped with. But I was just wondering-- do you find that LSD use affects your period? Don't be shy about the details. :P

Hallucinogen Persisting Perception Disorder

Hallucinogen Persisting Perception Disorder is when visual characteristics of a trip last for much longer than the trip itself, until after the chemical has been removed from your system. Contrary to flashbacks, it's always present and relatively permanent. It is most commonly related to LSD use, but that may just be because acid is the most commonly used hallucinogen. Those that are genetically predisposed to HPPD can begin experiencing it very early on in their drug use, but in others it sets in much later in the game, and therefore seems to be unrelated to the frequency or number of trips one takes.

Common sights of HPPD sufferers include halos or auras around objects, changes in dimension and color, a difficulty in distinguishing between colors, trouble reading because of "misbehaving letters," geometric patterns where there are none, flashes of color, movement in peripheral vision, or TV-like "static" on monochrome surfaces. The symptoms can be made worse by fatigue, drug use, a sudden change in the visual environment (like walking into a brightly-lit room from the dark), or simply paying too much attention to it.

Many people have never heard of HPPD, or if they must seek treatment they are too embarrassed to admit to having used hallucinogens, and therefore the statistics on its prevalence are probably incorrect. This is another good reason that hallucinogen use should be legal or at least socially acceptable: research could be done, and people with disorders of this sort could get the treatment they need. Luckily, many people don't need to get treatment, because HPPD often fades over time of its own accord.

Now, don't be like me and assume that your brain is broken just because the rainbows around lights at night seem suddenly really noticeable. HPPD is only diagnosed when the disturbances are so severe that the patient cannot ignore it. Like other psychiatric syndromes, a requirement for diagnosis is that it impairs normal functioning. To be fair, I had no idea that light halos were a common occurrence until I asked my boyfriend, who verified that he saw them too. :)

HPPD raises some interesting questions about how drugs affect us. One common theory is that hallucinogens permanently affect the nervous system, creating less sensory gating (like Huxley described in The Doors of Perception). This leads us to be more open to receiving sensory signals that have always been there, but are usually filtered out. There was also an interesting study that I read about that showed that those who use hallucinogens have a lowered ability to distinguish between colors, and to distinguish between a very fast strobe and a continually-shining light. I found this to be the opposite of what I've experienced: my drug use has made me appreciate color so much more, and when I'm high I can even see the strobing in cheap fluorescent lights, which is super annoying. Anyone else have a different story?

I was also kind of surprised that HPPD only includes the visual aspect of hallucinogens. It seems to me that other aspects of a trip could last too, but I guess people with that are just called "crazy." :)

Sources:
Wikipedia

Erowid