Monday, July 18, 2011

I have done a good deed.

This weekend the Boyfriend and I each shared with the other person something we both love: he showed me the joys of kissing girls, and I showed him how great LSD can be.

Boyfriend is someone who all parents would delight in seeing their daughter with. He's studying a medical profession (but not to be an MD) and his hero is his grandmother. He's also a pothead and has some wildly unconventional religious beliefs. And he reminds everyone who meets him of Jack Black. :) He told me before the trip that he's not in it for any crazy "revelations" or soul-searching, because he's creative enough to do it on his own. He came away very satisfied with the new sensations that he experienced, and the lovely body high he felt. I maintain that only the most uncreative would "need" acid to think outside the box, but that it will catapult you in some directions you never saw coming. But I'm really glad that he tried something so important to me, despite initial trepidations. After the trip, he said he could see himself doing it "every other week." I'm so proud!

We spent the day with four of his good friends, who had all done acid in some form. We did low doses and spent the day relaxing in the air conditioning and playing Super Smash Bros. Interestingly, though it was the same batch that resulted in our crazy experience the other day, and similar doses, the experience was not nearly as intense. This provides some evidence for the mango theory, even though I'm lacking corroboration.

The high point of the trip was laying with him on the couch feeling like melted butter, while our friend experimented on the piano. He is apparently extremely talented, and was seamlessly stringing together the riffs of popular songs while we listened in amazement. I witnessed the grin on Boyfriend's face at the moment when he realized how tangible music could be. Our friend eventually got up and left nonchalantly, and when we applauded he acted surprised. :)

On the comedown, we bought pizza and walked to the nearby lake to eat it. In the bay, there were two pirate ships. I swear. I have no idea why they were there, but someone was sailing full-size replica pirate ships. I thought my friend was kidding when he pointed them out. Some serious sanity questioning occurred, let me tell you. Actually...

Whenever I trip, I count on some sort of revelation. Seldom am I in an environment that fosters it, but this time I think I had one that definitely counts, even though I was almost sober at the time. After I got home and sat around alone for a while, I got to thinking and I realized something pretty life-changing. I don't have a label for it quite yet, but I am definitely transgender in some way. Meaning, I am profoundly uncomfortable with being treated as a woman despite my female body. I've been thinking this for a while, but I hadn't realized the magnitude. This weekend was my first real sexual experience with a female, which also helped solidify some of this for me.

I'm a freak. Between being a drug enthusiast and queer in so many ways, it's easy to find people who share some of my interests but very few that support and understand all my endeavors. I am so glad to have found someone who helps me be myself as completely as Boyfriend does, whether he's accompanying me on a drug deal or kissing girls that are straddling me or letting me wear his boxers. I'm glad that we can grow together like this, in directions that most people never even look into. Sharing LSD experiences with lovers is always special. Besides the obvious upside of body exploration and potential sex, you have someone with you who you can be completely yourself around. In that respect, I'm really blessed.
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